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Manley is on the same page, but his reasoning is more economical: “Guys still [usually] make more money than women, so they should offer to pay, regardless of whoever asked out whom,” he says.“There’s a sort of New Age chivalry about that.” Unfortunately, the rule seems even less clear for those in the LGBT community, says Morningside Heights resident and comedian Stephanie Foltz, who is bisexual.Last-minute offers used to mean you were a second choice, and the advice was to save face and your self-respect by saying, “Nope.” But with the ability to find a potential match now sped up to the nth degree, that rule has been turned on its head.“When I was on Tinder, you’d match, chat for 45 minutes, and then she’d be like, ‘Let’s go on a date tomorrow,’” Manley says. It saves you time figuring out if this is the right person.” Forget having a one-night stand and never seeing the person again.
“Sometimes guys are afraid, too.” And with the advent of dating apps such as Bumble, which require women to make the first move to avoid online harassment, it’s not only common for women to initiate a date, it’s increasingly expected.Some of the rules I’ve read, including those by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (who famously wrote the book on “The Rules”, literally! You don’t want to be a pushover and you do want to maintain your identity, your values and inner confidence at all cost.But some of the other manuals I’ve come across sound more like a lesson in “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”. This is really an antiquated move and an old fashioned attitude—the one suggesting men ought to pay top dollar for the “best women” and spoil her with expensive gifts, high price restaurants and a lavish lifestyle.“[But] they’re not a great way to go deep or get to know the person’s personality.” Chris Donahue, a 28-year-old writer from Brooklyn, believes men should still foot the bill, at least on the first date.“It opens up a kind of flirty dialogue of like, ‘You can pay for the next date,’ ” he says.
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Technology and new ideas about sex and gender have dramatically changed the laws of love, from who pays for dinner to how long to wait to call after a date.